My wife is a lovely and wonderful woman. She's my soul mate... my one, true love. She can also be down right... ornery, at certain times. Even though I know this, it still catches me off guard.
I might say something innocent, like, 'You look cute today, baby.' The next thing I know, I'm getting my head bit-off. Uh oh! Now's probably not the best time to be poking the bear.
'Honey, you're the dumbest smart person I know.', is something I often hear from my wife. Apparently it takes me a minute to realize that now is not the time for cuddling... or compliments... or even breathing.
Every man knows what I'm talking about, so I won't go into any real details. Suffice it to say, when this time comes, I'm ALWAYS wrong. Always. Without exception.
One minute, she's a charming creature with a twinkle in her eye, and the next she's a roaring bear, clawing at my throat. When this transformation happens, I usually follow these simple steps:
- Stop moving – She might not notice me.
- Back away slowly – Oh, boy! She saw me!
- Get out of sight – If she can't see me, she can't kill me.
- Hide under the covers – See the above.
- When all else fails: RUN! - He who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day!
So, what do I do if I DON'T see the danger signs? Well, as quoted above, I ain't too smart. Since I like poking the bear so much, I often take it to extremes... Which, of course, only serves to agitate my wife even more. Wouldn't you think, after all the years we've been together, that I'd have learned better by now?
Nope. Just take a look at this blog. Here I sit, still teasing that angry, angry bear.
Oh... um... Hey, baby! I love you!