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Thursday, September 24, 2015

Poking the Bear – 10 Things I Do That Really, Really Annoys My Wife

You might have seen me refer to something in past blog posts as poking the bear. What does this mean, you ask? Well, I like to rile my wife up. I think it's cute (and yes, funny) to get her really aggravated. It's often so easy, too! I know it annoys my wife to no end.

That's not the only thing I do that annoys her, though. In fact, you might even say that there are 10 things that I do to annoy her (okay, there's way more than that)! So, without further ado, may I present to you:



So, honey, what
was it like when
dinosaurs roamed
the earth?

My wife is a year older than me, so I often give her grief (in good humor, mind you) about our age difference. No, I'm not a smart man. No, I don't do it in public.


See, that wouldn't
work in real life.
There's no way
you'd crush a car
from a fall like
that. Did you see
how that guy
dodged those

Yes, I'm one of those people. I talk through movies or TV shows. Yes, my wife finds it annoying. No, I can't help it. Yes, sometimes I do it on purpose.


You just went in
there! How is it
you can shop for
10 minutes and get
everything, but it
takes me 2 hours!?

My wife likes to send me to the store alone because I'll ruin the experience for her. I shop like a man. Go in, get what's on the list, and get out. She hates taking me (or our son) shopping with her. We follow her around like dogs, or something. YEESH!


How can you eat
all that, and not
huge!? I eat
like a bird, and
gain 10 pounds!

I didn't start getting bigger until my late 20's. Before that, I could eat, and eat, and eat and not gain any weight. It's pretty much the same, now. My wife hates me for it. *sad panda*


Stop sitting there
staring at that

My son & I play video games. I play mostly on my laptop. My wife doesn't understand them. At all. She always wants to know how we can sit there all day not moving. Hey, I do other stuff! Like this blog, for instance. ;)


Just tune him out.
He does it because
he knows you'll
give in to him if he
annoys you

My son is loud. Real loud. And he can be obnoxious, too. I can tune this out. My wife, on the other hand... well, she usually loses it after a few minutes. Yes, my son likes to poke the bear, too!


This room looks
like Barney
exploded in it!”

My wife says I make fun of her style. I do. She thinks I'm tacky, well, right back at'cha! (Honestly, though, most of the time it's just to get a rise out of her) ;)



I snore. My wife snores. I sleep through tornadoes. My wife... not so much. Apparently, my snoring wakes her up every 5 minutes. Sorry, dear.


How can you sleep
through that!? A
train just went
through the

As above, I sleep like a log. Always have. And I can sleep anywhere. I've even fallen asleep standing up against a wall. My wife, however, sleeps like a criminal on the lam. If our neighbor 3 doors down dropped a fork on his carpeted floor, it'd wake her up. How is that my fault, exactly?


OMG! Are you
watching that crap

I watch stuff on Netflix, Hulu, or YouTube... over, and over again. Sometimes I'll watch a show 3 or 4 times over the course of a week. This drives my wife batty. She can't stand it. What can I do?

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