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Friday, September 25, 2015

My Wife Hates that I Snack All the Time; Never Gain an Ounce

We're a family of snackers. From chips to cookies; from Little Debbie’s to home-made brownies; from sodas to saltines we eat a LOT of snacks. Yet, I don't gain any weight.

My grandmother used to call me the Bottom-less pit, with good reason: Growing up, I could eat, and eat, and eat and never get fat. That changed, of course, when I became an adult. I put on a few (read: several) extra pounds, but my weight stabilized itself.

So, whenever I eat my weight in Cheetos, my wife always complains: “I eat like a bird and you eat like a 12 year old! How come I'm the one who gains all the weight!?

I can't help it. It's pretty much always been this way for me. Believe you me, if you actually knew how much food I consumed, you'd be amazed. I should look more like this:

cartoon elephant happy,dancing
Nothing Dumbo about this happy guy!

Rather than this:

cartoon pig cool
That's some pig! Pretty cool!

Still a bit on the chubby side, but not truly FAT.

My wife hates me... but she loves my body heat!


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